By Erik J. Michaels

In the time right after a breakup, it can be difficult to figure out exactly where to go from your present situation. You know you want to get your ex back, but how? Here are some tips to help with with this.

1) Oddly enough, it’s actually a very effective trick to actually cut off contact with your ex for about a month after the breakup. This may seem counterproductive but in reality it’s very healthy for your efforts. It gives your ex some time to cool off and think, and you some time to organize yourself and create a plan -one thing you should never be without.

By giving yourself this month of space and time to yourself, you create the opportunity to formulate a real plan and avoid being stuck into situations you don’t know how to deal with. Winging it will only result in unfortunate consequences that weren’t a part of the plan.

2) Movies have somehow made it seem like every problem you have will eventually solve itself or be solved for you if you sit and cry long enough. This isn’t true, you have to take matters into your own hands and take back your life for yourself! You have to be responsible for where your life goes, not somebody else. Feel your pain from the breakup, but don’t let it bring you down and keep you from getting your life fixed.

Whatever your plan is for getting your ex back, it has to depend on you. Not your ex, not your friends, you. It’s nobody else’s responsibility, and nobody else can do it like you can. It may feel too difficult, like you can’t do it alone…but you’re the one who has to make it happen. Take comfort in the fact that you CAN do it, you may just need a little help.

3) Make sure you’re in the company of people who care about you. Family, friends…whoever there is who values your feelings and wants you to be happy, spend a lot of time with them. The support can help you heal your pain and find the motivation to work things out. But avoid just using them as a shoulder to cry on…it’s not right to lay your burden completely at the feet of other people. Value your friends, and do your best to enjoy their company.

Just be sure you don’t take advantage of their kindnesses. They’re not a resource, and they don’t need to be overburdened with your problems. Let them support you as best they can just by being there for you, but don’t pressure them with your problems as if asking for a solution. Remember to take charge of your own life.

These are just a few helpful words of advice for you, but here’s a much more vital one: when the month is up, don’t just rush back in without a plan. This is the downfall of many, many people…this won’t be as cut and dry as it seems, it’ll be tricky. Make sure you know exactly what you’re doing by having a real plan, preferably one that’s been tested and proven to work.